No matter how many times you stop to turn your head around to see where you've been, life will continue with or without you. It's up to you to choose wheather you wanna stay behind and watch everything in your life slip out of your hands, or if you choose to grap a hold of it before it's to late.

I've watched everything I loved disappear not knowing where the fuck it went. Years later I know exactly where it went and most importent, I know who took it. You see, when you lose something, even if it's a book, a watch, a friend or a love it's easy to put the blame on who ever gets in the way. But not to often we don't stop to think that maybe we misplaced that watch or maybe you made yourself lose that very special love.

I lost my life once. I lost it, not knowing where it went. So I settled with what I had at the moment. A very useless life with not to much of matter in it. But in my head, that was better than nothing so I choosed to stay in that shitty life until I got my old one back. Sounds kinda stupid, dont you think? Well, yes indeed it was. Because one day I sat myself down and started to think about when, why and how I had lost my life. I had asked myself this before but had never given myself a good answer. This time was different. By asking myself these three simple questions my then very fucked up head for once gave me an honest answer. And it chocked me, that I hadn't before seen what was so god damn obvious. I didn't just lose my life. Someone took it by fucking with my brain and changing me as the person I was. Someone took it, took me and replaced me with someone I did not regognize. Who was I and who had taken my life?

Easy. Me of course. I took my own life. I burried who I was and replaced me with a hollow shell. I took everything I was just by watching it slip away. Bit by bit every part of me disappeard and for what?

I know exactly when, why and how I did this to myself. And to you who read this, I wish I was brave enough to tell you but not yet. I'm not ready. I need to get myself back completly first. And well, I'm on my way. I'm moving forward and everytime I see something or a sign of who I used to be, I grab it. And I'm never letting it go again.